Wednesday, 8 February 2012

GOODBYE, MY LOVE, GOODBYE

My Lil' Lilly passed away at 6.10 a.m. this morning while she was still in my arms: caressed, kissed and blessed. I had the whole night to thank her and tell her all the things I wanted her to know and remember at The Rainbow Bridge.


We were together one year and two days. I've still got hands full of her, still hear her crunching, trotting and spinning in the neighbouring room. I don't understand. I can't believe it happened so fast. I can't believe her cage is empty. She took me by surprise, as usually, my lil' fluffy toughie. So I sang her the last lullaby. I whispered in her ear that I love her much. And I let her go...


For this journey I packed her: a bunch of peanuts and hazelnuts (she was crazy about them), scent of home on her favourite cotton bedding, my tears and her birthday cake. Bah, the cake... Once she fell asleep I made her the one I planned anyway: heart shaped, red beet and celeriac. She would love it, I'm sure. And she... She left me... and she left for me: her scent on my clothes, heart shaped nut shell in her playground and... tons of wonderful memories.

I'LL NEVER FORGET...

...Lilly's little hand between my fingers...
...her begging eyes asking to lift her up...
...scent of nuts on her fur...
...the view of Lilly with her leg inside her ear... 
...special way of grooming we called face-off...
...crunching, scratching and digging in the corners...
...eating from my hand...
...the kiss...
...and all of those common daily things 
we generally call love 
but 
most of all...
...her last breath...

Now - please - excuse me for a while.
I've got outstanding dream to dream.
______________________________________
POST FACTUM
A year after Lilly's departure I've found my husbands notes while cleaning our desk. He told me, he wanted to give them to me back than, but he eventually forgot because of being very busy those days. With his permission, and with great emotion, I'm publishing them now (4th March 2013) to always remember:

Oh Lilly, Oh Lilly
You're brave but not silly
You're a Lady, but not a baby
Always playing in the moon
Take us by a surprise and gone too soon
Always has cristal clear furhair
This is just fucking unfair...
She was never left alone
even while her last beath of relief (freedom)
She gave us joy and hapiness
I want to thank...

wpis na stronie Lilly -
o przyjaźni L i M i ostatnich chwilach radościach, psotach, nawykach i humorkach, foszkach i innych słodkościach...
O najlepszej i najczulszej Pańci na świecie
O problemach i ich przemijaniu

Z godnością znosiła swoje cierpienie, co nas zmyliło, ponieważ, jak każda dama, nie okazywała tego na zewnątrz.

I kept the oryginal spelling because it shows how moved my dearest husband was, writing this for our little fuzzy friend, who was no longer with us. It moves me to tears even now...


13 comments:

  1. I'm really sorry to hear this. At least she will now be in a painless place with the others who have passed. R.I.P little Lilly xx

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    1. Thank you, Onion. I just helped her get through...

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  2. So sorry for your loss. Lilly's life went by so quickly but burned so bright. We'll never forget her. *hug*

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    1. Still I can't believe. I wasn't ready for this.
      <:"-(

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  3. Oh, I'm really sorry to hear this. Sending you hugs. Sorry for being late. :(

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    1. Thank you, Tina... And it wasn't even pyometra :-( The autopsy revealed the uterus was clean and was not the cause of death. It turned out that Lilly had policystic liver disease which gave no symptoms previously. Two days ago (in the day of our First Anniversary With Her) one of the bigger cysts suddenly burst and run to the abdomen... There was nothing we could do... After all my efforst <:"-(((

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    2. I saw it in the other post - what cruel irony... really sad... :(

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  4. will be missing Lily. hugsies.

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    1. Thank you, Azra... Now I know myself how it is to loose a hammie... :-(

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  5. So sorry for your loss. I know what it is like to lose a hamster. They become family even when nobody can understand what they meant to you. God bless you and Lily.

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    1. Thank you, whoever you are. It helps alot to know that there are people who understand. May the God bless you too for your kind words.

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  6. I am so sorry to hear about poor Lilly... I can't imagine what I will feel like when my little Lolly passes away... and I have had other hamsters, and when they die it always breaks my heart... I feel for you
    Hannah xxx :)

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    1. Thank you, Hannah. You're very strong if you got over so many losts... I hope to find such a strenght to love myself...

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