Friday, 15 March 2013

KROPECZKA HAS GONE

Barely I can stop crying and there's no peace in my heart right now although I'm trying to believe it was right what we did. This night Kropeczka had her surgery. The vet said that when he cut her open it turned out that there was no place free from cysts on her liver so there was nothing to save anymore and if he woke her up after the surgery, she'd struggle in pain for a short time and wouldn't make it anyway. So we decided not to wake her anymore. Rest in peace, my sweet little furry friend. At least you will no longer suffer. I will carry on the tears for you now.


There are plenty of thoughts and pictures on my mind now, starring our little Kropeczka. I want to believe it was right to try but I saw how frightened she was in the Clinic, I saw the fear in her eye, and despite the vet was the most gentle, I know she must have been scared not having me near in her last moments, because when I was saying my last goodbyes to her, stroking her and kissing for the last time, making a cross sign on her little head, she cuddled her soft ear to my finger as if she was saying: Please, don't leave me here...I feel like I betrayed her and it hurts beyond imagination.

Now all the good things are comming back: Kropeczka (so small) standing in the middle of the room waiting for me to lift her up, her little macaroni-like tail, always clean fur so soft and smelling so nicely, her cleverness when she was discovering her environment, her patience to me and unconditional trust in us from the very first time she saw us (Kropeczka climbing my husband's arm just like that), eating that was the best not even from my hand, but only from my fingers, her speed of light when she was trotting on the carpet shaking her little bottom, her funny doggy-like positions while sleeping, unbeliveable stretching every time she walked out of the tubes, unauthorised trips to the other room, freaking out in a bowl, crowling under the grass, breaking speed records in the spinning wheel, big most funny and soft ears and scratching behind them (which she just LOVED), her little paws between my fingers, and so much more, but most of all the lullaby I used to sing to her very often and she liked to listen:

Mała Kropka smacznie śpi                        Little Kropka sleeps sweetly
i o serku sobie śni.                                         Dreaming about her little cheese
Mała Kropeczko nie bój się                        Don''t be affraid, little Kropeczka
Pańcia bardzo kocha cię.                            Your Mumsy loves you much

Mała Kropka sobie spała                            Little Kropka was sleeping
i o serku rozmyślała.                                    Thinking about her little cheese

Sweet dreams, my sweet Little Piratess, my little Fluffy Toughie, the most tough and brave! May the stormy waters carry you Home where your sister Lilly awaits you with a bowl full of nuts and smiles. I'm gonna light a candle in my window for you, so that this lanthern showed you the way     .........[i]..........

________________________________________


I don't feel like blogging anymore.
When we adopted Kropeczka I was hoping 
(I was so hoping) 
that she will stay with us a little bit longer...
I believed the faith won't be that cruel for such a small innocent creature 
who's already suffered so much in her childhood loosing her eye.
But nope.
The story had to repeat itself. 
It's just fucking unfair 
!!!!!!!!!!!!
If that's it, if that's the statistic hamster life lenght in my country, 
than I don't think I'm strong enough to get through this every year.  

 

3 comments:

  1. :'''-( for every month of her lil life a tear ... will write more later :-(

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi

    I'm so sorry that another little friend left you. You gave something special to her, in nature she will never get: love and care! And this was the last thing she loved to get from you. I'm sure you make her life intensive like 2 or even more lives. You was protecting her little flame in her heart as good as you can, so she could live that dream. But often a big flame didn't burn that long, so after the fire is out, only her dream is left. At the end, everything would be a dream.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. These are very beautiful words and I'm thankful for them. People like you help to understand and deal with such a pointless loss. This is the second, one by one, case when I loose my hammie right after realising how much she means to me. Not so long ago I was writing about what Kropeczka became... It's hard to believe she's no longer with me. The worst part is that it always happens so quickly... No time for proper reaction, medical treatment or dealing with the tought about another goodbye...

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